ANGER.

THIS IS AN EMOTION THAT FILLS YOU WITH RAGE
ITS IS ALSO AN EMOTION THAT TAKES CENTRE STAGE
IT’S ALSO A DANGEROUS WEAPON, IN THE WRONG MIND,
ESPECIALLY ONE THAT’S NOT VERY KIND.

ONE THING HAPPENS, THEN ANOTHER, THEN ANOTHER
ANGER IS DEFINITLEY NOT YOUR BROTHER.
IT TAKES NO PRISONERS, TILL IT REACHES THE TOP
AND WHEN YOU GET THERE YOU JUST GO BOP BOP BOP.

BUT WHO IS THE MAN WHO LETS ANGER GET THE BETTER.
TREATING IT LIKE THAT DREADFUL “RED LETTER”
IT’S EASY TO SAY, BUT IT CAN BE DEFEATED.
AND YES IT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU’VE BEEN TREATED.

ANGER IS AN EMOTION THAT WILL RUN DEEP
IF YOU WANT ITS YOUR PRISONER TO KEEP.
DON’T LET IT BEAT YOUAND WHEN ITS THERE “STOP”
AND THINK DO I REALLY WANT BOP BOP BOP?

AND WHEN YOU’VE BEATEN IT FEEL PROUD

YOU ARE A MAN SHOUT IT LOUD

PS HE WHO ANGERS YOU CONTROLS YOU

                                                        James Mcatear 06.12.06. 

JUSTICE

MANY YEARS AGO I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED. 
THE AFFECT IT HAD ON MY LIFE IS UNEXPALINABLE!!
BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU THE SIDE AFFECTS
ARE LOSS OF INNOCENCE,
FEAR OF REJECTION,
CONFUSION, INVASION,
GUILT, SHAME,
ISOLATION, MENTAL ILLNESS
AND LAST BUT VERY NOT LEAST
HATRED.

ANYWAY I FINALLY CONFIDED IN A GOOD FRIEND
HIS IMMEDIATE REPLY WAS “IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT”.
IT WAS THEN I REALISED HE WAS A TRUE FRIEND.
WITHIN THAT REPLYWAS UNDERSTANDING, RECOGNITION,
REALISATION AND THE CONFIDENCE TO MARCH FORWARD
AND TRY TO SORT “SHIT OUT”

THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED, I WENT TO THE POLICE AND TOLD ALL
HE WAS ARRESTED, ITERVIEWED, OBVIOUSLY DENIED EVERYTHING.
BECAUSE AFTER ALL HE IS A LOW LIFE
WHO PREYS ON THE YOUNG AND INNOCENT,
WHO HAS THE MORALS OF THAT MAN “LUCIFER”

SO BECAUSE IT HAPPENED 24 YEARS AGO
AND I AM NOW SUFFERING
FROM “POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER”
(WHICH IS BELIEVED TO BE LINKED TO SEXAUL ABUSE)
PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIA AND DEPRESSION
AND NO INDEPENDENT WITNESSES
I CANNOT GET HIM TO COURT.
(THANK YOU VERY MUCH LEGAL SYSTEM)

BUT THERE IS SOMEWHAT A GOOD ENDING TO THIS STORY. 
THE  POLICE TOTALLY BELIEVED ME
AND I WAS TOLDTHEY WOULD BE WATCHING HIM.

AND A GOOD PHYCOLOGIST (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) SAID
“EVERY TIME THAT THING HEARS HIS DOOR KNOCK
HE WONT KNOW IF IT’S TIME FOR YOUR REVENGE”
THAT’S ALMOST GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!!!
AND LET’S LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS;
THAT ANIMAL WAS GIVEN ITS OPPORTUNITY TO REALISE,
ACCEPT AND DO HIS TIME.
MAYBE THAT ANIMAL MIGHT DIE ALONE, COLD
BUT WARMED BY THE FIRES OF HELL.

So if you have been sexually abused don’t be disheartened by my story. 
The only way sexual abuse can be eradicated is by finding support
and good people who are willing to stand by you
and see you through the rocky road ahead. 
And I can assure you the police are very well trained
to help the likes of you and me. 
And do so in a non discriminatory way and are very understanding,
so do it now the sooner the better!!!

I’d like to leave you with this little thought in verse;

“Thank you bastard I hope you’re proud
you better watch out I’m shouting out loud”

PLEASE BELIVE ME THERE IS A FUTURE!!!

By a Survivor

James Mcatear 2006.

THE SHED

On a hot sunny day a small boy was playing near his home. He was persuaded to go into a shed at the back of a garden by an older boy. The older boy seemed so big and frightening and the small boy didn’t feel he could say no, even though he was afraid. They went into the shed. It was hot and the air smelled of dust and creosote. Now the child is scared. There was no sunshine in the shed and he knew it wasn’t a game. The older boy was shouting, telling the child to take off his clothes, until he stood naked in front of him, afraid to speak, afraid to shout out, afraid to run. Just so afraid. After an eternity, the older boy told the child to put his clothes back on and go out again. To anyone else passing it might seem a very ordinary sight: a small child hiding in a shed, playing games perhaps. If you looked closely you would see his T-shirt was on inside out, but then that’s kids for your- they never come home the same way you send them out.

After 35 years it was time. Time for the child to go back to the shed. He had to go back because he had never really left. His body had- he had run away as fast as he could from that place, but his heart and mind were still locked away inside the shed. He went back a 38-year-old child to find a way out. He knew it would be hard to leave that place. It was safe in the darkness. He could shut himself away behind the door and protect his feelings from hurt and damage from others. He didn’t have to trust anyone ever again. All he had to do was look out through the crack in the door knowing that no one could see him, not the real child in pain. Not the feeling child who was hidden away safely in the darkness. No one could hurt him again.

The 38-year-old child opened the door not sure what he would find inside. He thought it might be empty or even that the shed didn’t have anything to do with him all these years later. He opened the door and found there was someone there; a small frightened boy of 3 crouching on a wooden floor to hide his nakedness, too afraid to speak, to afraid to feel. The older one knelt down and put his arms around him, clothing his nakedness and holding him close. He whispered in his ear “You’ve been in here too long alone and without love. You are not alone I’m here. I love you. You are much too special a person to be hidden away in here.” Then they wept. Big tear-drops splashing down their cheeks and making droplets on the dusty floor. They cried for what had been lost. They cried tears of relief at having found one another again.
“Come on. Let’s go.”

So he picked up the small child and carried him outside into the warm sunshine. They laughed together, no longer afraid. Turning around, they tool one last look at the shed. They wouldn’t be back. Together they slammed shut the door and walked away. They had found each other, and if you had looked closely through the glare of the sun you would see no longer two children but one man…